Thank God it's Friday

Can I get an Amen?

Amen!

The microwave situation has improved. We still haven't bought one but I've used the oven in its place and its not nearly as fast but it makes me feel good.

I still haven't figured out why that it is. 

In other news, Ole PB is in the doghouse. 

And not the serious doghouse, you know, where I'm contemplating killing you or leaving you forever. Just the doghouse where you might want to sleep with one eye open, in the spare bedroom, and watch your back. 

His list of offenses is quite lengthy this week. It's almost comical. 

First, he put the kibosh on seeing two of my favorite country singers, one that was in town last night for $8 and another in a few weeks that I somehow managed to have front row tickets at my finger tips and had to pass up.

The man has suddenly decided he doesn't like anything he used to like anymore. I'm sorry, come again? I've known you for going on 13 years and you have ALWAYS liked these things. Don't give me that shit dude.

Annoying. 

However, he really broke out the big guns last night when he interrupted The King's bedtime routine to tell me that "there was a woman at the door giving out free humidifiers and she wants to talk to you". 

To which my response was "tell her no thank you?"

To which his response was "I already told her yes and that you'd talk to her' followed by a tehehe

You're joking, right? 

He was literally giggling because he knew how bad he just effed up. 

Son of a betch!!!

So the idiot accepted this woman's contraption and because he did, I had to politely sit through a demonstration of the bigger, better machine.

Seriously.

And yes, I realize I could have just said no thank you and sent her on her way but PB totally set me up, her boss left her here to "go meet the neighbors" and I'm just not that rude. My house was also trashed from dinner and I was so embarrassed. Great start.

So she lugs in a big box of crap and starts talking about the BMW motor and blah blah blah. Meanwhile, PB is tip toeing around the house giving me the "this is hysterical/I totally fucked up and I know it" face. He's trying to put The King down for bed, who is now screaming because he wants to play with this broads vacuum and flirt with her. 

He gets better. 

PB finally gets The King down and then magically disappears for the remainder of the session. Leaving me to politely oh and ah at the broad when all I really want to do is eat some cookies and watch football. 

The whole thing was interesting at first and I'm not gonna lie, the shit that came out of my carpet was narsty. The concept made sense and the house smelled good after her fancy oils demonstration.

I almost asked her a few times "hey, can you hit that spot over there where the dog sleeps?" but I resisted. That would be ultra douchey considering I knew I wasn't going to buy the damn thing. I also really felt bad for her because she was doing my housework.

When she finally got to the end, AFTER TWO HOURS OF DEMONSTRATION, she spilled the beans that the vacuum/ loud ass air purifier was a cool $3,000. 

Yes, three thousand dollars.

If I had been eating cookies and milk, like I wanted, I would have choked.

Who the hell spends that kind of money on a vacuum? 

Cough, cough...mom...cough.

For real though?

So I have to politely decline the offer by saying I can't make major purchasing decisions without ole dad and he's out cold in the bedroom. 

Lie. 

He's in the bedroom snickering over the nonsense happening to me in the living room and watching mother freaking football.

That d-bag.

Then her boss comes to pick her up, who could not have been more annoying, and they spent another 15 minutes trying to pitch me this god damned vacuum with different offers and payment plans. 

See below. 

After the fifth yawn and decline of all their "special" offers, they finally got the hint and got out of dodge.

At this point, it was 8:48pm.

How is that even legal?

PB came prancing out of the bedroom like he had just won the Nobel Peace Prize or the Super Bowl for dodging annoying sales people.

I could have killed him. Right there. On the spot.

Needless to say, he's gone for the day and I'm sitting here wondering how the hell I'm going to get those two hours of my life back and get the rest of my carpet as clean as the spot where Vacuum Lady performed her services last night.

Maybe if I rub $3,000 of cold, hard cash all over the floor it will all magically disappear?

Have a great weekend friends!

xxoo

ma