Bah humbug

This is going to be long. Apologies.

Normally I'm one of those annoying, way too excited, Christmas people. I usually hang lights from every surface of the house, have my shopping done before Thanksgiving and run around singing Christmas music 24/7.

This year I was totally not into it though. As much as I tried to be, I just could not get excited about the holidays. Now that Christmas has came and went, I still find myself very disappointed. I just can't shake the feeling so I need to put it out in the universe...

I truly, truly, did not want a single thing this year. It was The King's first Christmas and I just wanted to be together and to enjoy company and watch him "open presents". I don't feel like that was much to ask.

After opening way, way too many gifts that I didn't ask for or necessarily want, I found myself feeling upset at the thought of someone wasting money, just so I had "something to open". I actually felt guilty that someone spent their hard earned money because they thought they "had" to give me something. I kept calculating the expense of my gifts and thinking of ways in which my loved one could have used that money for something they needed or wanted.

And yes, I know it's about giving, not receiving and I should be thankful that anyone bought me anything but that's not what I'm trying to get at. I feel like the meaning of the holidays is totally lost on us all. Every single "holiday" has been commercialized. I get presents just to get presents. Half the time, you can tell it's a "shit, I haven't picked up anything yet, I'll just give her this" present. I would be happier if you made me a card, gave me a hug and told me you loved me. Honest to goodness. That would make me so much happier than the thoughtless gift you picked up last minute.

Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of the above too. I sometimes buy meaningless gifts for people because I feel like I have to buy them something, or I haven't bought them enough, or I just don't know what to give them. Why? I have no idea. Guilt? Have we been trained to think that the only way to show someone you care is to buy them lots of presents or to buy something more expensive than what they might buy you? I don't know. But I do know, I don't like it.

My next complaint about Christmas, and just life in general, is when the hell did it become socially acceptable to sit on your phone and ignore all of the people around you? Do we even know how to speak to each other anymore? There have been so many times that I've wanted to yell at someone and say, "I am a living, breathing, person sitting right, friggen, in front of you, that you never spend time with because we have busy lives or you live far away and instead of engaging in conversation, you have your damned eyes glued to your iPhone, doing God knows what and paying zero attention to me."

It makes me so, so angry.

There's no more conversation or playing outside or laughing or helping with the dinner or dishes. No. We stand in the middle of a room and talk to people through text message or social media and pay no mind to the people, who are clearly important, around us.

Ironically, in the midst of being so plugged in, I feel so unbelievably disconnected.

We are going to become the most pathetic, incapable, stupid, socially awkward and just plain ridiculous nation of people on this planet. Instead of building relationships with people, we consume ourselves with the internet, social media, phones and television.

I'm scared. I'm scared for The King, I'm scared for my relationships and I'm scared for everyone around me.

I'm disappointed with Christmas because it's suddenly not about family. It's about presents.

I'm disappointed because it feels like life is now about being "connected" and "online" and knowing everyone else's business, completely ignoring everyone in your family because you are too wrapped up in answering your text messages or uploading "cute" pictures to Facebook.

I'm disappointed because I didn't get quality time with anyone this year. I have pictures of The King opening presents with people in the background on their phones or watching t.v. or not even in the room because they're running around somewhere, trying to get away from someone else in the room.

I'm disappointed because it all feels ugly and sad.

I'm going to make a conscious effort not to do any of this anymore. Maybe if we all try a little harder, we can get back to focusing on what's important.

I'll add it to my resolutions for 2013. I hope you do too.

This kid

The King got an early Christmas present from his Auntie Jacque yesterday. He instantly put his arm out the window and started steering with the other.

I can't get over how cute he looks in it.

There's just something women like about a pick-up mannnn

I forgot

Tomorrow is the end of the world right?

Is it weird that if it really was the end, I am kind of ok with it?

I mean, it would clearly be the end for everyone so it's not like I'd miss anyone or they would miss me. We'd technically all be together on the other side so we could just go on living our merry little lives, free of all the crazy people. That seems like a happier and safer and better alternative than what's going on in the world these days.

If that's how it would work, I say bring it on. I'm happy with my life and the choices I've made.

You know what sucks?

When you slam a ginormous cup of coffee and then said coffee hits your guts, making you sprint to the bathroom, only to find someone else is in there, doing the exact same thing you are dying to do but you can't, because they were there first and have a right to do their business in private, so you turn around and pretend like you were never there, only to return a few minutes later because honestly, you might explode, then thankfully, find that they are gone. 

I know I'm not the only one. Quit pretending you don't do it.

That really sucks.

It's a beautiful morning

Today is off to a great start. The King is seven months today and he woke up in a marvelous mood. Smiling and laughing, enjoying his waffles and bananas.

Then he did something crazy.

He waved goodbye to me when I left for work.

...chokes back tears...

oh. my. goodness.

Then on my way in, I heard this and my Christmas spirit kicked into overdrive. It's exactly what I needed.

I think I might love Luke Bryan. Just sayin. 

And now I'm eating Christmas cookies for breakfast and listening to Luke Bryan holiday on Pandora.

What could possibly go wrong when you have a morning like this?

More ways to help Newtown

Parenting.com - Newtown Shooting: How to Help

Want Want Want

Now that I started daydreaming about all things I want, I can't stop. Pioneer Woman gave these away on her site and now I want them in the worst way.

I'm pretty sure my feet/ankles aren't meant for cowboy boots but I don't care. I want what I want and I want it now.

Or, you know, some day.

Check out the site to buy these. They have a ton of fancy boots that would look lovely in my closet.

Obsession

I want Joy to fly to NY and take lots and lots of pictures of us. If I planned on spending a gazillion dollars on our wedding, I'd beg for her to do that too. She's just plain awesome.

Wildflowers Photography

Dear Santa

I have probably THE lamest Christmas list on the planet this year. No joke, I asked for an ice cream scoop, rubber spatulas - you know those ones you use for baking that are awesome, a silverware tray, robe and towels.

What happened to me?

Oh yeah, we bought a house and had a baby.

So I got to thinking. If Santa really did exist or you know, if we grew money trees in our backyard, I would have the most ludicrous list on the planet. It would look a little something like this...

1. Clarks leather boots. Real ones, sorry PETA. I saw these back in September when they were like $300 and I wanted them soooo badly. They are just way out of my price range.

2. One of these cameras. With a lens. That I can do cool stuff with. I haven't done enough research to know which one I want but I want one and that's enough to be on the list.

3. Northface sleeping bag coat. These are ridiculously expensive but so warm. Lately I've been rocking Papa Bears hunting jackets to go outside. Can't really wear those to work though.

4. These UGG slippers would look lovely on my feet...if they cost $20.

5. Bose speakers. The King and I would really rock the house with this. We're always listening to music and it's never quite loud enough. That's a lie. I really don't need louder music, I just want it.

I'll stop at five because it just seems like the right thing to do. Plus I could go on for days and days. I'm seriously fighting the urge to keep going. Basically, anything expensive that I would NEVER ask someone to buy me or would never buy myself would go on this list. 

Now where can I find money tree seeds?

Letters to Newtown

For anyone out there that would like to send a letter or card to those affected by the Sandy Hook tragedy, please send to the following address:

Messages of Condolence for Newtown
PO Box 3700
Newtown CT 06470

Sandy Hook Condolence Letters

Sharing

The King has been in an awesome mood since last Friday. I don't know why but knock on wood just to be safe. We had so much fun playing and rolling around and giggling this weekend. He's quickly becoming a little boy and it's so fun to watch. I snapped this picture of him and I being silly and I love it so, so much.

You know, minus my crows feet and double chin.

Kidding.

Sorta.

Man I love him.

My heart hurts

I am still so unbelievably shocked and saddened by the tragedy in Newtown. I don't even really know what to say. I want to drive there and hug every single one of those families. I want to sit and cry with them and hold them and help them and let them know that we're all hurting right along with them. That our hearts break a little more every time we think about what has happened. It's just so unfair. No one should have to bury their baby. No one.

Given this tragic news and the time of year, I think we can all try to be extra kind to each other. Smile at a stranger, perform a random act of kindness and be appreciative for all that you do have. Most importantly, hug your children tightly.

Silus

Do you watch Duck Dynasty on A&E?

If not, you should.

It's hilarious.

Just look at this guy.

Did I mention Papa Bear and I met the crew while we were in NYC? They stuck out like a sore thumb, in the middle of Manhattan, in head to toe camo. I was so excited, I almost got hit by a cab when I speed waddled across the street to say hello.

I don't think Si spoke two words. Papa Bear talked to Phil and I chatted with Willie. They were so, so nice. It's too bad Jase wasn't there because he is second best, after Si of course.

Just so you believe me. Here's proof. Yes, of course, I asked them for a picture.

Check out how enormous I am. Papa Bear must have been so embarrassed. I had The King about a week later. Laugh all you want!

Gift idea

I was just surfing through my girl Ree's blog and stumbled upon her favorite Christmas gifts section. She has some really great stuff on there but these measuring cups/spoons she posted really stuck out to me.

BM - these without a doubt belong in your kitchen.

Pop-print measuring spoons
Painted Amaryllis measuring cups
Izmir measuring cups

They're not ridiculously priced for Anthropologie but they are ridiculously priced compared to what I could get at my second home, Tarjay.

Only 12 more days till Christmas!!

I was right...per usual.

Remember a while back when I told you about Little Big Town's - Better Dig Two? And I was kind of teetering between this woman being a devoted, lovey wife or an insane crazypants?

Well according to the new video, homegirl is off her rocker.

Man I'm good.

P.S. Broseph on the right needs to do something with his hair game. What exactly is going on with his head?

Check out Carrie's preview for Two Black Cadillacs while we're at it.

What's with creepiness in December? Not ok.

Miranda morning

I'm in desperate need of a little "get up an go" this morning. Coffee just ain't cuttin it.

Long story short, The King is still on a bender of no sleep and miserable-ness.

Which means I get no sleep and am miserable.

Something's gotta give.

I decided to turn to Miranda and her Annies this morning. They're always good for toe tappin', old feelin' country tunes. More artists should head in this direction. Forget the pop crap. I really love the old stuff. Can't beat it.

Then you have Miranda. She's just a badass. I bet she's actually as crazy as the women in her songs. Get it girl.

DIY Nonsense

I'm always looking for fun stuff to make or for a little decorating inspiration. I found this blog a while back on the almighty Pinterest and wanted to share.

 Shanty 2 Chic

They have some great ideas on there and include video tutorials or step by step instruction. I'm sure these blogs are a dime a dozen but this one is pretty good.

Enjoy!

I ain't as good as I once was

I am seriously getting old.

I used to take day trips to NYC all the time for work and wouldn't bat an eye at the crazy schedule. Not anymore. I ain't no spring chicken people. I am so tired today I can barely keep my damn eyes open. 

The trip was fun and productive. The onion bagel was marvelous and I enjoyed some good food, wine and conversation with this goofball. Actually the food was terrible, who am I kidding.

Fun fact, she's currently in love with a Canadian and could still be considered slightly insane. She masks it quite well though with sarcasm and dimples. Good for her. 

Wish I could have bumped into the other sister and a good friend from home. Just not enough time. Maybe the next trip.

New Yawk, New Yawk

Oh how I've missed your bagels and holiday spirit!

I'm headed to the Big City today for an area meeting at work. It's going to be one hell of a long day but I'm secretly, or not so secretly anymore, happy to get out of the house. It has been a trying two days with The King.

Seemingly overnight he's learned to crawl, pull himself to standing and roam the living room like a man on a hunting and gathering mission. One day I could leave the room to pee and the next, he's pulling Christmas lights off the tree and stuffing dog toys in his grill.

What happened to my baby? And can I have him back for just a bit longer?

My first agenda item whilst in NYC is to buy a bagel. You read that correctly, buy a bagel. They are so unbelievably delish and I'm taking a cab from the airport directly to my favorite place. Then I'll walk my old path to the office and reminisce about being wicked pregnant, waddling down the street every day. I'm planning to work, obviously, but mostly chat and gossip with my work friends who I've missed oh so much. Then a quick dinner and wine, emphasis on wine, with one of my sisters and back home by midnight.

It's just enough excitement to satisfy my inner yuppie and just enough mayhem to remind me why I love my little family and quiet little life.

My stunning view this morning. Beautiful.

Rainbows and butterflies and possibly a unicorn. Just because.

You ever have one of those days when everything seems to go your way?

Well today is apparently my day and I am totally digging it.

I'll spare you allllll of the details but to give you a sense of what's going on...

I'm currently polishing off a delicious brownie from the Christmas package I received this morning that probably wasn't really meant for me but had my name on it.

I don't even care at all about hijacking the brownies or that run-on sentence.

I'm sorry Boston recruiting team. Boston College clearly likes me more and I'm not sending a single crumb back to you.

You should order yourself some. Dancing Deer is delish!

Yumminess.

This is what I feel like.

Now knock on wood.

Morning

Dad made me an awesome breakfast so I'm happy, happy, happy this morning. He also packed my lunch and warmed up the car for me. How awesome is he?

Two things I wanted to share with you this morning.

The first. I was reading my new farmers encyclopedia last night and it's chock full of interesting stuff. Matt bought it for me last week because he knows I'm slightly obsessed with my farm dream...

Well guess what? I learned that chickens have lice. Say what?! I officially retract my previous statement about raising chickens. I know they are nasty little bastards but I am so not into parasites. No way. I'll continue to buy organic eggs and chicken breast at the store. Thanks but no thanks. 

I think I'll start with gardening. Animals can wait.

Second. I became a little obsessed with The Pioneer Woman last year. I watched her cooking show quite a bit while I was pregnant and lazy. Well I just discovered the true awesomeness of her website. Not only does she have yummy recipes but there are all sorts of tips and tricks on there. I thought it would be selfish of me to withhold quality procrastination tools so here you go: Pioneer Woman.

That's all Jack.

America

For those of you that are like me and haven't started your Christmas shopping yet, check out this site: Made in the U.S.A.

Maybe I'm feeling a bit patriotic because our house is in the process of being decorated with red, white, and blue Christmas lights (credit to dad on that one). Or maybe I'm more interested in the future of our country because of The King. Either way, it seems like a no brainer to support our economy and possibly local business by buying American made products.

I haven't checked out the site yet so I have no clue if it's user friendly or how easy it is to find what you want but it's worth a shot. I know it's getting harder and harder to find stuff made here so hopefully this will help.

Happy shopping!


Credit to the Wolf radio station for sharing this morning.

Daydreaming

Work is pretty slow. I've spent most of the day on a really boring reporting project in excel. Bleck. It reminds me of my short lived auditing career when I contemplated stabbing my eyes out with my pencil hourly.

So what's a girl to do when there is absolutely no brain power required at work and George Strait is crooning over her pandora station?

Daydream.

And blog.

You think I'd be dreaming up a marvelous rustic wedding for next year with hay bale seating and mason jar lighting galore...nope.

I'm fantasizing about turning our quiet little homestead into an itty bitty farm with gardens and chickens and pigs and maybe a horse or donkey or goat. Add in a pond with a rope swing and a little barn somewhere and I'm certain I'd be in heaven.

We definitely don't have enough land for all of that and I would have a lot of learning to do but doesn't it sound so magical? It would be the absolute perfect place for The King to grow up. We could pick vegetables, berries and flowers. Feed animals and pick worms. Go swimming. Climb trees and build forts. He'd learn all sorts of manly things from dad and I'd take lots of pictures and soak up every precious moment of his childhood.

I think I was born to raise boys and make a life with a man that has rough hands and a soft heart.

Sigh.

Maybe I'll pitch my idea to dear ole dad tonight...

Wish me luck!

Slackers

For those of you that haven't ordered your Christmas cards yet, Shutterfly has 30% off.

Get it while it's hot!

You're welcome

Country and Cold Cans

I bought this album a few weeks ago and have been meaning to tell you about it ever since. I also bought Home, which I should probably tell you about too since we're on the topic of Dierks. Maybe later though. I like this one better.

Country and Cold Cans was released in August of this year and I'd like to say that whoever is in charge of setting his dates is pretty darn stupid. Dierks is touring with Miranda next year so maybe that's why they waited? I don't know. I plan to attend the concert so I'll probably just talk to him about it when I see him.

If this was released in June I would have totally listened to it on repeat every single day. I might have even had a beer. Just kidding. Maybe, like, two years ago, I would have been slugging Sam Summers on the beach to this one. It's now my kitchen cleaning anthem. See what being a mama does to you? 

The EP is only 18 minutes long but it's a solid 18 minutes of carefree summer fun. Every single song makes you want to rewind back to those 80 degree days, "pop a top" and relax with some good friends. I do not recommend listening to this in say, February, when the winter blues have set in and all you really want is summer. That might make you go cray cray.

I don't know who came out with this idea first but Luke Bryan also releases these short, party anthem type EPs. I highly recommend him as well and love them just as much. His are a little more college themed but fun all the same.

My thoughts:

1. Country and Cold Cans - So friggen true. Can't have one without the other. This reminds me of the 8,000 country concerts I've been to over the years. Beer drinking is a given.

2. Grab a Beer - Just head bobbing, toe tapping fun. Nothing more to say. 

3. Back porch - I'm hoping this will be my 2013 summer. I can just picture it now. The King will be ripping around our yard, chasing dogs and picking berries, while Papa Bear gets his grill on and I try to tan my pastey skin. I probably won't be drinking any beers and will likely burn but hey, a mama can dream. 

4. Summer on Fire - Makes me want to jump up and down. 

5. Tip it on Back - This one is on the radio now and I actually sing it to The King almost every day. He's trying to figure out how to hold his bottle so I instruct him to tiiiiiiiip it on baaaaaack. Formula. Not beer. 

Enjoy!

Where's the Kleenex?

I returned to work in October after five marvelous months of maternity leave. When I first went back, The King hardly noticed I was gone. He never made a fuss when I left in the morning and usually stared at me blankly when I returned home. As you probably guessed, I was not thrilled about The King's lack of excitement and affection.

Fast forward nearly two months later and The King is an entirely different little boy. I can't believe how much has changed.

The bad news first; he now whines and fusses when I leave. I feel awful for him but our sitter, Meg, tells me that he's usually fine after a few minutes and completely forgets I'm gone. Sad for me, great for him.

The good news and best part of this whole working mama gig, he is SO darn excited to see me when I get home now. You know that reaction your dog has when you get home from work? Wagging tail, panting, drooling, jumping and barking? Like, "where have you been all my life, I have missed you so much, I couldn't stand another second away from you, pet me, pet me, pet me!"

If The King was a dog he'd act just like that.

Today was a new level of excited though and the whole point to this post. Normally, Meg stands with The King in front of the window so he can see me pull in. She helps him wave and I stand in the middle of the driveway, like an idiot, waving back...at her. Then they meet me at the door and I get a smiling, happy baby, grabbing for his mama.

I love so much that she does this by the way.

Well today I snuck into the living room and found them playing on the floor. I said "Hello" and The King snapped his head around to see me, grinned ear to ear, and then CRAWLED over to me. That's right. He crawled over to me and whined for me to pick him up.

Cue the waterworks.

I have never been so happy, excited, terrified and sad all at the same time. It definitely wasn't a very coordinated crawl and was really pretty ugly but that's not the point. He crawled.

(practice round over the weekend)

I can't believe that my little boy has grown so fast. I was looking at pictures of him from this summer and it made me so sad. You really don't realize how little and perfect they are when you're trying to survive on four hours of sleep and PB&J sandwiches.

I wish I could stop time and just live in this moment for a little while. Every day he is learning something new and I'm so proud of him. It's really just so amazing to watch them turn into little people.

You can bet that I rocked and snuggled The King an extra couple lullabies tonight. He nestled right into my neck like he always does and I breathed in that yummy baby smell with a full heart. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one day and all of this will have passed me by so I made a promise to slow down. Stop and smell the roses, ya know?

I've also promised to rock The King to sleep until he's 40. My sincerest apologies to his future wife.

And I was worried about Grace...

Hard to believe but The King is still sick. He now has some sort of stomach virus causing him to shit like 300 times a day.

At least it's not boogers.

On top of being miserable, the poor bugger has a bad rash on his bum now. Per the direction of everyone on the planet, I've been trying to air it out as much as possible. As you can imagine, that's risky business.

Well here I was worried about the puppy ruining the carpet and The King is the one marking his territory all over the damn place. He has managed to go number 1 AND number 2 (twice) on the blanket/floor!!! Both of the number two incidents took place this morning before mama left for work. Daddy grabbed the wipes and then ran for the hills gagging so I had a nice mess to clean up and two loads of laundry to do by 7am.

What. The. Hell.

He needs to air out so I have to let him but really kid? You're for real? You're taking it to a whole new level bud. I'm totally putting this in your baby book and telling all of your future girlfriends when you're 16.

That's what moms are for, right?

Preach

Countdown: 23 days!

Thank you abc family for making the month of December that much awesomer! For those of you who live under a rock, they count down to Christmas with a classic movie(s) each night. Here's the schedule.

I'm totally going to let The King stay up late to watch these some day. You know, in like, five years. Hopefully it's still playing. Remember how awesome TGIF and Saturday morning cartoons were? I'd still be watching if they were on.

I am currently on a mission to buy all of the movies they play. I seriously love Christmas that much and the little kid inside me desperately needs them. Except for the Grinch. I refuse to buy that one unless it's the old cartoon. I'm watching it right now and I can't get over how creepy it is. The person who approved Jim Carey starring in a children's Christmas movie should be hung by their toes in the Rockefeller Plaza tree. At the top.

I am so feeling the Christmas spirit tonight though. If only I had some milk and cookies...

Check me out.

Yes, I have a tacky tree with colored lights and a hideous star. Yes, my ornaments are mismatched and most are wicked old. Yes, I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

He liked it...

SO HE PUT A RING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt totally got me with this one. I had NO clue this was in the works yesterday.

I'll start from the beginning...

Matt texted me yesterday morning to ask my favorite dinner. I pondered this question for a few minutes because Matt makes a lot of yummy stuff, especially when he's not being "creative". I finally decided on swedish meatballs. I was stoked for the rest of the day about dinner. He did this it all the time when I was pregnant and it was such a treat. He also asked what time I'd be home. Again, not unusual.

Next, he asked me to stop at the store on my way home. No biggy but semi annoying because he was home all day. I'm thinking, you should have needed sour cream hours ago if this dinner was going to be ready when I walk in the door damnit. Haha. Maybe he was making baked potatoes? Anyway. He then changed his mind by the time I got to town and said he didn't need it. Awesome. I don't have to go out of my way to pick it up.

He then gave me specific instructions about what drive way to pull into and not to open the garage door. His excuse, he spilled nails and had a project leaning against the door. Sort of annoying too. Dude, pick up after yourself! How many times do I have to tell you that?! Now we're going to have flat tires.

I wasn't realllllllly annoyed to be honest. Matt pulls all of the above once in a while. That's our life. This is the moment when I thought something was up though. I totally thought he was surprising me by hanging the Christmas lights on the house. He was totally not into doing it last weekend. I was now super pumped!

So I arrive home and notice he hung half the lights on the house. Total "E" for effort bud. I'm happy he even started. Beggers can't be choosers and he hung them on the highest part so I could finish the rest of the house if he didn't. I then go in to play with The King, who won't stop jumping, and anxiously await dinner. I'm hungry.

At this point I'm not allowed in the kitchen because Matt has a super secret Fults recipe out. Ok. He does this on occasion too.

I'm starting to think we're weird.

Then, he says dinner is ready and walks me into our breakfast nook, where we never eat, with his hands over my eyes. I'm giggling because he's being silly and I still don't know what's going on. I nearly tripped over the two stairs into the kitchen and almost sat on a chair that wasn't there.

I finally sit down at the table, Matt moves his hand, I open my eyes and BAM!

I see this...

And then I see this....

And then I cover my face and cry.

I attack Matt. Still crying.

Matt eventually put the ring on my finger. He started eating. I was still happy crying. Totally not hungry anymore and texting everyone.

Then The King demanded I quit putting on my circus and feed him some damn dinner.

Back to reality.

Matt did SUCH a good job. This was so unbelievably perfect. He incorporated all of my favorite things and it was so thoughtful and not lame and mushy and weird. It wasn't one of those scenes from the movie where the guy tells the girl all the reasons they love them and all that crap. I'm just not into it. It was so us and so Matt and just perfect. It's the moment you hope to some day have and then some.

After The King went to bed I went back to being a crazy pants. Matt went to bed and I proceeded to text 8,000 people and make phone calls. In the midst of all that, I thought I needed an engagement picture....

This is how you do one of those selfie pics, right? The toilet should be in the picture? I'm totally using this for the save-the-date!

Let the crazy wedding planning commence!

Tim

Mr. McGraw is confusing me lately with his music but I kind of like it. It honestly took me a while to figure out his Truck Yeah song but I totally get it now!

...I know.

This one is different too but in a good way. It's catchy and I like catchy.

Women and the bathroom

I know the group bathroom break baffles men everywhere, understandably so. To be honest, I don't understand how they deal with balls every day but whatever. We'll never understand each other.

I am totally guilty of taking a pal with me to the restroom when I'm in public. It's just more fun to chat and gossip while you pee. Not to mention you have a second set of eyes to tell you if your face looks a little like Heath Ledger in that batman movie.

What I find totally freaking odd and uncomfortable is when you head to the bathroom and there is a co-worker or someone you don't realllllly know on their way in too. What do you do? You have to be polite so you say hello and talk about the weather but then what? Keep chatting? Cut it off and pick it back up when you're done? Well I just witnessed a totally weird and awkward exchange between two women and it made me so uncomfortable that I felt a duty to share so you don't make the same mistake.

Here's the scenario

Upon entry to the little girls room, I immediately took notice of a crazy lady, literally standing outside another woman's stall shouting about the yankee swap and five dollars and when can she bring it and blah blah blah. Normally this would be ok but they were clearly not on the friend level. The woman inside the stall was answering in short "yep", "nope" and "uh-huhs", clearly un-freakin-comfortable. It seriously looked like crazypants wanted to go in there with her to finish the convo. This went on for a good 30 seconds, which is far, far too long.

I wanted to help the poor girl out and tell that crazy woman to take a hint, she is so not into having this conversation right now. Give her a minute of privacy and attack her in her cube later! She's probably cleaning up her cha-cha right now and you're trying to talk about Christmas. It's weird. It's almost like having no stall at all and offering to help her out with the toilet paper.

Don't you think the whole thing is strange? I've been on the receiving end of a clueless chatter box and also heard it play out quite a bit. I was pregnant last year so I was in the bathroom a lot and it always makes me awkward. Maybe it's weirder that I'm writing about it but I feel like it happens all the time.

The moral of my really long stupid post about the bathroom; it's always a game time decision people. My general rule is if you don't have the persons number in your cell, cut it off, do your business and commence upon the washing of hands. Don't be the crazy lady.

You're welcome.

Hey Hey

Sorry for the lack of bloggage lately. The Thanksgiving holiday owned my life and The King is sick again. Woohoo! I'll be back at it today though, don't you worry your pretty little head.

I heard this song on my way in yesterday and realized I forgot to buy his new album. Consider it done. I don't think this one is groundbreaking but anyone who lives in the country will appreciate it. Craig Morgan is a gem. Redneck Yacht Club for life!

The Voice

Meg and I have watched nearly every episode of The Voice this season. It's the first time I've ever really watched one of these shows from start to finish. I'm totally hooked too, it's kind of ridiculous. I think I mostly like it because Blake Shelton is a judge and my former drinking self would really like to hang out with him and drink beers.

Mama Jen, not so much. I'm totally a has been.

Anyway. I do have a few favorites on the show but my newest is Melanie. Also known as the girl with the jacked up hair-do. I've always sort of liked her voice but none of her performances really did much for me. That is until she performed Seven Nation Army Monday night. Check it out below, she starts singing at 1:37 if you don't care to hear her story.

I would totally spend $0.99 on this song. I might even do it later today. It's such a cool jam anyway but she totally makes it that much cooler. If she wins or ends up recording an album, I'd totally buy it if most of the songs were like this. I also kind of admire that she embraces her weirdness. That takes balls.

Ha!

Credit to Bethel for this one. Gave me a good little chuckle this morning.

Grace and The King...a love story

Dad got The King a puppy and by The King, I mean Dad got a puppy.

What six month old doesn't need a duck dog? After all, he'll be able to hunt with Dad in like what, six, seven, maybe eight years?

...

Fine, she's cute.

But the real cuteness that happens when The King plays with her is out of control. If you don't think this is adorable, you have no soul.

You're welcome.

Shop Shop Shop

Tis the Season to buy for others...unless of course you find cute stuff online, then buy for yourself!

Check out One Kings Lane. This link is for the Farmhouse Style sale but they have tons of different styles to browse. I just purchased the wicked cute wine rack and rooster clock for my kitchen. Matt doesn't know it yet but I'm changing things up in there (surprise!).

They have pretty decent prices too. Some of the sales aren't really sales at all but they're still good for DIY inspiration.

Yippeeeeee!!!!!!!

This is some kind of joke right?

There are two things in this world that really chap my ass. The first, traffic, also known as people on the road who think they know how to drive but don't. The second, people that try to boss me.

Maybe it's because The King kept me up all night and then iced the cake by peeing all over me, the bed and himself at 4am, prompting a diaper and clothes change for the both of us. Or maybe it's because he's been ditching the idea of sleeping in his crib for the last five nights. Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure my mood today is all his fault.

Fast forward to sitting in traffic this morning, I wanted to rip someone's face off. Sounds a little dramatic and it is, but I don't care. I hate traffic so stinkin much because it's usually for no good reason. Thanks to idiocy driving and my mood, there are now three people on the road that saw a bird fly around in my car and it wasn't a real one. Here I was thinking that driving a standard would prevent me from being able to use my hands to drink my coffee or change the radio station. To my surprise, I can do all of that AND flip people off just as easily as I could before!!

Now to the people who try to boss me. I put an end to other people bossing me, outside of work, years ago. I am my own woman damnit and I do what I want. Well let me tell you what, two of the people that caught the bird this morning were trying to make me merge! Oh no. No you didn't (followed by snapping of the fingers).

There was a little construction about two miles up the road and these little shits started driving in the CENTER of the road, taking up two lanes to force people to merge early. Are you kidding me?! Who do you think you are?! The merge supervisor? I'm not one of those people that drives to the very end either, I like to merge at my own pace ok. Don't boss me dude. Just don't boss me.

Of course I drove around them, semi on the shoulder, to prove that I was tough and wouldn't be forced to do what they wanted. I gave them the bitch stare, shook my head and gave them the finger. That's right, they got all three. That'll teach them not to mess with the crazy unkempt lady in the little bitty car.

I'm not trying to say I'm a good driver because I'm pretty sure I'm not but I do give it some effort people. I try hard not to be a menace on the road and so should you. While we're at it, quit using your damn phone too.

To those of you that got your license at Toys R Us, there's been a recall. Return that shit immediately and start taking the bus.

Rant over.

Warning

For those of you that have never been pregnant, I want to share a little glimpse into the mind of a pregnant woman. If you've ever encountered a pregnant woman, you know they're certifiably insane. Here's some proof to substantiate my claim.

Said pregnant woman will remain anonymous. I've changed her name to conceal her identity. I will tell you that she has red hair and lives in the "Wild Wild West" and her name rhymes with meth.

This is story is based on true facts and may be slightly exaggerated.

"After a long afternoon of hunting with her gingerbread husband, Barbara, was famished. She also happens to be 14 weeks pregnant so the better word may be ravenous. Hunting is a new hobby and while she enjoys the time with Tom, she does not enjoy missing meals.

While waiting for Tom to cook dinner. She grabbed herself some tortilla chips and salsa to snack on in the living room. To paint a picture of how hungry she was, she couldn't be bothered with changing into regular clothes, she simply stripped down to her leggings and sports bra and let her little baby bump "hang" out while she snacked.

After Tom had prepped her dinner, he joined her in the living room to engage in chip snacking while they waited. This was his first mistake. Hungry pregnant women do not share. Barbara sort of let it slide though.

His second mistake, he sat "on top of her". Meaning, his skin was touching hers. They're married, so what's the big deal right? Everything. Everything is the big deal when you are hungry, pregnant and uncomfortable. This too she let slide.

Third mistake. He was eating way too much of her snack. It was like a freaking competition. How much more and how fast could he eat?!

His last and final mistake, Barbara felt as though he was "blocking" her chip dipping action. How dare he sit down too close to her, eat her snack and then of ALL things completely BLOCK her dipping. This she felt was preposterous!!! How could he do such a thing?! Did he have no brain? No moral compass. You absolutely do NOT block a pregnant woman from dipping her chips.

Before he could even blink, Barbara's gingerbread skin turned a bright scarlet and she snapped at him. She yelled:

"I AM SEEING RED! YOU ARE BLOCKING ME FROM DIPPING MY CHIPS!!!!"

And she stormed off into the other room.

After the red in her vision went away, she realized how crazy she had been and felt terrible. Tom retreated to the shower to escape the wrath of his hungry wife but she quickly followed him in to apologize. He forgave her but you can bet that he'll never try to eat her food again "

That my friends, is why you don't mess with pregnant women and their food.

Queen of Revenge

I'm officially dubbing Carrie Underwood, Queen of Revenge. I would not mess with that broad. I base my decision purely on the fact that all of her songs tend to make you think that she'll cut you if you mess with her.

True to Carrie fashion, her latest single is ass kickin, bitchery.

Verdict, I love it. I'm glad this stuff doesn't happen to me in real life but if it did, I hope that I'd have Carrie sized balls.

You're welcome.

Adios case of the Mondays!

Maybe it's because I don't usually work on Mondays but I'm having an exceptionally annoying morning. Lucky for me, Matt just called me with a HILARIOUS story of his adventure to the doctor with The King. Totally turned everything around for me. Sorry babe, I have to share this story. Love you!

Due to the Thanksgiving holiday I had to move a few of my work days around. Normally this wouldn't be an issue but I completely forgot The King had a well-visit checkup today. Matt and I usually go to these together. I ask the questions, he toughs out the shots.  We tag team that shit like nobody's business. Well today, super-dad handled this one on his own and the madness that ensues is just so great.

Being the crazy person that I am, I got all of The King's clothes out, winter gear, packed the diaper bag and left lots of instruction for dad. I'd be willing to bet he heard the time of the appointment and tuned me out for the rest.

Well guess what? He probably should have listened because he forgot the most important piece of baby gear on the planet...the DIAPER BAG.

If you've met The King, you know he made him pay. Big time.

I'm seriously giggling.

Upon arrival at the doctor's office, The King decided it wouldn't be a father-son outing without giving dad a gift. Well he does things it's with drama and pizazz people! He wanted him to have a properly soiled diaper.

Dirty diapers are no big deal right? Wrong. Matt hates poop. Poop to Matt, is like boogers to me. It nearly brings that big manly-man to his knees every...single...time. Oh yeah, and without a diaper bag, you have NOTHING to deal with this kind of mess. No wipes, no diapers, no desitin, no change of clothes, nothing.

Still giggling.

I don't know how, but he managed to clean up the mess and save The King's pants. Awesome job daddy-o but you ain't got a diaper and Kingy ain't done! Oh no, as soon as those pants were on sans diaper (what option did he really have), The King proceeded to pee all over himself...and dad.

Bahahahahahahaha.

Oh how I wish I was there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just to be a fly on that wall. Or something not so gross as a fly because it is a doctor's office.

Anyway, Matt did what any sane person would have done after the first soiled mess and asked the doc for a spare diaper. No luck. I kind of find that annoying too but that doesn't matter. He then asked the nurse, who must have taken pity on him and found him one that was a few sizes too small. I bet she asked someone in the waiting room. Ha!

Apparently after diaper-gate the shots were no big deal for The King. I love it. I later called the doctor's office and the three women I talked to knew that they were in this morning and had just left. Those nurses will probably giggle about this all day.

That's the whole story. Kind of anti-climactic but it's funny. Just so funny.

A special thank you to Matt for cheering me up today. This definitely doesn't knock down your status as "best dad on the planet". It just makes you that much awesomer.

Honest Mama

I know I've said a few times that I'm cheap and that really is true in most cases. Interestingly enough, I don't care what things cost when it comes to organic food or in this case, "Green" stuff. Once upon a time, I thought about using cloth diapers...for about 30 seconds, and realized that would never work for our family. I was interested in greener diaper alternatives but never got around to finding one. I have a baby, remember?

One of my nearest and dearest friends, a gingerbread by the name of Elizabeth, introduced me to a green company last week called The Honest Company. In a nutshell, they sell and deliver, biodegradable, non-toxic, sustainable baby products. I'm talking plant based diapers with cool designs, wipes, shampoo and conditioner, laundry soap. If you need it for your nugget, you can probably find it.

I'm definitely not doing them justice with that description so take a peak at their website.

Honest Co.

Admittedly, I was a little skeptical at first but they have a "free" trial and the monthly price is pretty comparable to Pampers or Huggies (which I hate). I received my package of diapers, wipes and body wash, shampoo etc. a few days ago. The verdict...I love them. They don't seem to be stinky, they fit The King really well, they're super cute and I feel like I'm doing something good for our planet and The King's future.

We clearly ordered the boy products but the girl versions are wicked cute too!

The free trial will only cost you $6 for shipping. That's one and a half grande lattes from Starbucks people. Give it a whirl and if you hate them, you can cancel your membership. It's easy-peasy. The best part, if you love them, they automatically send you whatever it is you registered for each month. You pretty much never have to shop for that stuff again.

Guess I'll have to come up with a new excuse to go to Target...

Family of Quack Heads

The King woke up at 6am today, full of piss and vinegar. Apparently we're a family of morning people. It is what it is. What this really means is that I had a ton of time to get ready this morning, even with him, literally, strapped to my hip. You'd think I would look nice but I don't. I'm ok with that too. Well anyway, with all that extra time, I was able to enjoy a little morning "adventure". It's probably going to bore the shit out of you but I don't care. I'm too excited.

Luckily, Meg was staying with us and she pointed out the gorgeous sunrise. Always looking for a photo op, I grabbed my trusty iPhone that never has service and headed out to the back porch, in my bare feet, to snap this pic.

I should mention it's cold, really cold but I continued to snap a few pics because I'm no photographer and it takes me five tries to get a good shot. Well wouldn't you know it, all of a sudden, I heard the marvelous echo of ducks coming from the back right corn field behind our property. I know there is a pond back there because Matt has already run laps around the house while telling me how excited he is about it. We always hear geese and creepy ass crows but I've never heard the ducks until today.

Being the good woman that I am, I immediately took a video to send to Matt. I do this a lot because he's out of town and I secretly kind of like to do it. Listen closely and you can hear them.

He clearly didn't respond to my video fast enough so I called him up to see if they were real or if there was a hunter back there. He confirmed my suspicion that they were and also, that there were a bunch. I don't know what came over me but I excitedly told him I'd go and see how many there were. According to Matt, the pond is right behind our property. I had about 15 minutes to spare so I threw on my boots and headed out back. If you haven't picked this up already, I'm an idiot. I was in all of my work clothes and a nice jacket; now stomping around in the creek and mud and corn to get a look at ducks. That's right. Ducks.

Long story, not really short, I couldn't make it back to the pond in time because it was like 200 yards away. Not even close to the house. I also didn't want to be shot by a hunter, not that I look like a deer, or a duck, in my purple jacket. Let me tell you what though, those little quackers were back there and I could tell there were a lot of them.  

Ladies and gentlemen, I officially had my first duck erection. 

Matt has learned me reaaaaal, reallllll good. His quack habit has officially rubbed off on me. I now find myself pulling over on the side of the road to listen to geese, take videos of them flying around and now, I'm "scouting" potential honey spots. I don't even hunt! And you'll be shocked to know this but I don't have a penis either...ha!

The poor King doesn't have a chance. He's totally going to be a quack head too. His room is already camo and duck'ed out. We even have professional pictures of him with Matt's decoys...

Anywho...you can bet your sweet ass that I'm heading over to that farmers house with The King to get Matt permission to hunt. I already have the perfect story lined up for why he should let him go back there. I can sell ice to eskimos so this should be a piece of cake. I'll keep you posted on my progress. 

Tis' the Season!

I know there are people out there that will disagree but I don't think it's EVER too early to listen to Christmas music. I have been playing Michael Buble - Holiday on Pandora all afternoon and the tiny five year old inside me is jumping with joy. I can't wait to put up a real Christmas tree and spend all of my money, and Matt's, on Christmas presents. 

Raise your mug of hot chocolate in the air, pull out your Elf dvd and blast the holiday jams people. Tis' the Season!

Dig Two

If you watched the CMA's you probably saw The Band Perry perform their new single. I don't really love, love The Band Perry. I feel like the woman is always yelling/singing, you know, sorta like Faith Hill or Carrie Underwood. They're always performing those really high pitched, loudest volume possible songs. To be honest, I know they want to seem like a country Whitney Houston, but they hurt my ears. I also don't like it because it's extremely hard to sing along. I mean, that's the whole point of listening to the radio isn't it? Cut it out ladies.

So back to The Band Perry.

I completely forgot about this performance until I heard the song on the radio yesterday. It reminds me a lot of Tornado by Little Big Town, which I totally love. Dig Two is kind of odd, stalker-ish, intense, badass, toe-tappin and just plain weird all at the same time. I don't know if the woman is psycho or just an old fashioned lady. I like to think psycho, it's more fun. Either way, anything that makes me dance with hand gestures and sing off pitch, deserves a post. Here ya go my friends...

Productivity

I'm going to have to brag just a smidge tonight. I had the most ridiculously productive weekend in the history of productive weekends. I'm exhausted and happy all at the same time.

1. Painted my living room - I have been talking about painting this damn room for a few months now. It was a really ugly aquamarine, sorta creme, sorta grey color. I understand they painted it a light color to stage the house but I'm a warm color gal. I went with a deep, rich blue. It only took me seven hours and I destroyed the trim but I'm proud. I'm also planning to cover my hideous fireplace in stone one of these days. Matt says I have to wait for him. I suppose I should.

2. I finished stacking the wood and cleaned the garage. Man stuff, I know, but Matt has been away for work  since October and when Pa is away, Mama has to pretend she has a penis and do stuff like that. I can't wait for him to get home. I'm sick of taking out the damn trash. Feminists can kiss my ass. Some things are just meant to be done by men.

3. Family pictures, sans dad. It's lame but I had no idea when Matt would be home and I really wanted six month pics of The King. Jessie from Jovial Photography took the pics and did an absolutely amazing job!! The King was such a little piss ant and refused to smile. No exaggeration. Not one toothless grin. The best news, you can hardly tell because she got such great candid shots. She also took my maternity and newborn pics. I'm a repeat customer for a reason people.

I also had my hair and makeup done at a local salon, actually Jessie's sister, Alycia. Just like her big sister, she did a fantastic job. I looked like a real girl! I hardly ever wear makeup or do my hair so this is a big difference. She always makes me feel beautiful and fabulous and I love her for that. Matt says he likes me without make-up. Ugh, men.

4. I finally hung some damn curtains in my dining room. I'm so lazy. I've been piecing this house together for months and I still have so much to do. No picture necessary, they're curtains.

5. I also helped Jessie with her Christmas mini shoots. I had soooo much fun putting the "set" together with her. We actually used a lot of stuff from my house and some neat crafts she created for the shoot, among other props she had. This is a picture I snapped while she was testing the lighting. The sun was perfect and it was an unusually warm November day. I was kind of jealous we didn't have this weather on Friday. I hope we can continue to do some of these styled, propped out shoots together. I love this stuff!

6. Last but certainly not least, the house is clean, laundry is done and we have food to eat. Not to mention, I'm blogging tonight.

I feel like super woman.

For giggles

Check out this clip from the Jimmy Kimmel show. He asked parents to do this last year and it was just as funny. I hope The King acts like the kids at the end of the video.

Coffee. Please.

I am freaking spent this morning. The King is officially sick, which means I was up all night sucking boogers out of his nose and making sure he was breathing. I felt bad for him and also, a little for myself. Not because I didn't sleep but because boogers make me gag. I could clean dirty diapers and vomit until the cows come home. Boogers. Bleck. 

Now that I've totally grossed you out (I didn't think it was fair for me to be the only one), I wanted to share an awesome website with my fellow mamas. A super cool blogger that I've befriended shared ThredUp with me last week. The site has all sorts of gently used, really cute and cheap kids clothing. If you have little ones, you know they grow out of things in the blink of an eye and as I previously mentioned, I'm the cheapest in all the land so this is totally in my wheel house. I haven't purchased anything yet but plan to do so this weekend. Check out the site below and Jen's blog too. She's a doll and I seriously envy her picture taking talent. 

ThredUp

Jen's Blog

Enjoy!

Why I love country music

I wanted to write this post yesterday but my morning commute took 45 minutes longer than normal, which means I was late and pissed right off.

Anyway. We have a few really good country stations up here and I've especially taken a liking to Wolf Country. They play new music and aren't terribly boring to listen to on my way in. Well they played this little diddy by Lee Brice yesterday and if it wasn't for the people cutting me off in the long line to get off the highway, my road rage, and lack of coffee, I definitely would have cried.

This song is every reason why I like country music. Not because I like to feel like my heart hurts after listening to a song but because country music always has a story to be told. It's relatable. It makes you want to dance. It makes you want to cry. It makes you dream and wish. It makes you feel and think and maybe even want to be 20 again. It's like reading a good book and becoming totally immersed in the story, like you're right there with the characters. It's almost a small little escape from the every day. What could possibly be better entertainment than that?

Crafty Thangs

For anyone out there who is cheap like me, you might really enjoy my crafty blogs.

We recently bought a house and had absolutely NOTHING to go in it on move in day. Matt wasn't settled anywhere and I sold most of my furniture when I moved to NYC. We literally only had our clothes and nursery furniture. Well being the huge fan that I am of rustic stuff, I decided I was going to fill my house with repurposed and refinished furniture from flea markets and yard sales. My dream was inspired by late night Pinterest sessions while pumping my precious liquid gold breast milk and the fact that I was watching A LOT of Nate Burkus during the day. That man is a genius.

On my first treasure hunt at the flea market, I bought two hideous chairs, a bench and small stand. As you can imagine, Matt was sooo not impressed with this idea and didn't think I'd follow through on any of it. He was also pretty irritated because I didn't haggle with the old people selling their stuff. How could I negotiate with a grandpa?!

I'll give it to him though, I was a total rookie. I had no idea if I could make this stuff pretty and the garage was quickly filling up with beat up furniture that I paid far too much for.

In a moment of hormone free clarity (I just had a baby, give me a break), I realized that I couldn't sand and paint furniture with a newborn so I enlisted the help of my parents. My mom cuddled with The King while my step-dad, Brian, and I quickly turned my "junk" into furniture I could proudly display in my home. Check out the before and after pics...

(I don't have a before of this one bc I'm an idiot. It basically was gray/white and beat all to hell. Falling apart. I sanded her down, repainted white and gave her a bit of a distressed look. I don't know why it's a "she" but it sounds good.)

Those are just a few of the projects I've completed. I have never done this before. I repeat, never, ever, ever done anything like this before. Sorta like Taylor but without the breaking up. It was beyond easy! We did all of this in one day.  I could hardly believe it myself. Literally, all that we did was sand it down with a palm sander, slap on a couple coats of paint, including primer, and covered the cushion with fabric from Hobby Lobby. If I can do it, anyone can.

Below is my finished breakfast nook that cost me...wait for it... less than $300. No joke. It's fully furnished and decorated with some odds and ends from Hobby Lobby. I should also mention, Matt is totally on board with me being cheap now. This room could have easily cost me, and by me I mean him, $1000.

Moral of the story...before you spend thousands on brand spanking new furniture, try to find a few small pieces at yard sales or flea markets that you think you can fix up. It can be really be a lot of fun and old stuff is just plain cool.