Warning

For those of you that have never been pregnant, I want to share a little glimpse into the mind of a pregnant woman. If you've ever encountered a pregnant woman, you know they're certifiably insane. Here's some proof to substantiate my claim.

Said pregnant woman will remain anonymous. I've changed her name to conceal her identity. I will tell you that she has red hair and lives in the "Wild Wild West" and her name rhymes with meth.

This is story is based on true facts and may be slightly exaggerated.

"After a long afternoon of hunting with her gingerbread husband, Barbara, was famished. She also happens to be 14 weeks pregnant so the better word may be ravenous. Hunting is a new hobby and while she enjoys the time with Tom, she does not enjoy missing meals.

While waiting for Tom to cook dinner. She grabbed herself some tortilla chips and salsa to snack on in the living room. To paint a picture of how hungry she was, she couldn't be bothered with changing into regular clothes, she simply stripped down to her leggings and sports bra and let her little baby bump "hang" out while she snacked.

After Tom had prepped her dinner, he joined her in the living room to engage in chip snacking while they waited. This was his first mistake. Hungry pregnant women do not share. Barbara sort of let it slide though.

His second mistake, he sat "on top of her". Meaning, his skin was touching hers. They're married, so what's the big deal right? Everything. Everything is the big deal when you are hungry, pregnant and uncomfortable. This too she let slide.

Third mistake. He was eating way too much of her snack. It was like a freaking competition. How much more and how fast could he eat?!

His last and final mistake, Barbara felt as though he was "blocking" her chip dipping action. How dare he sit down too close to her, eat her snack and then of ALL things completely BLOCK her dipping. This she felt was preposterous!!! How could he do such a thing?! Did he have no brain? No moral compass. You absolutely do NOT block a pregnant woman from dipping her chips.

Before he could even blink, Barbara's gingerbread skin turned a bright scarlet and she snapped at him. She yelled:

"I AM SEEING RED! YOU ARE BLOCKING ME FROM DIPPING MY CHIPS!!!!"

And she stormed off into the other room.

After the red in her vision went away, she realized how crazy she had been and felt terrible. Tom retreated to the shower to escape the wrath of his hungry wife but she quickly followed him in to apologize. He forgave her but you can bet that he'll never try to eat her food again "

That my friends, is why you don't mess with pregnant women and their food.