This is some kind of joke right?

There are two things in this world that really chap my ass. The first, traffic, also known as people on the road who think they know how to drive but don't. The second, people that try to boss me.

Maybe it's because The King kept me up all night and then iced the cake by peeing all over me, the bed and himself at 4am, prompting a diaper and clothes change for the both of us. Or maybe it's because he's been ditching the idea of sleeping in his crib for the last five nights. Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure my mood today is all his fault.

Fast forward to sitting in traffic this morning, I wanted to rip someone's face off. Sounds a little dramatic and it is, but I don't care. I hate traffic so stinkin much because it's usually for no good reason. Thanks to idiocy driving and my mood, there are now three people on the road that saw a bird fly around in my car and it wasn't a real one. Here I was thinking that driving a standard would prevent me from being able to use my hands to drink my coffee or change the radio station. To my surprise, I can do all of that AND flip people off just as easily as I could before!!

Now to the people who try to boss me. I put an end to other people bossing me, outside of work, years ago. I am my own woman damnit and I do what I want. Well let me tell you what, two of the people that caught the bird this morning were trying to make me merge! Oh no. No you didn't (followed by snapping of the fingers).

There was a little construction about two miles up the road and these little shits started driving in the CENTER of the road, taking up two lanes to force people to merge early. Are you kidding me?! Who do you think you are?! The merge supervisor? I'm not one of those people that drives to the very end either, I like to merge at my own pace ok. Don't boss me dude. Just don't boss me.

Of course I drove around them, semi on the shoulder, to prove that I was tough and wouldn't be forced to do what they wanted. I gave them the bitch stare, shook my head and gave them the finger. That's right, they got all three. That'll teach them not to mess with the crazy unkempt lady in the little bitty car.

I'm not trying to say I'm a good driver because I'm pretty sure I'm not but I do give it some effort people. I try hard not to be a menace on the road and so should you. While we're at it, quit using your damn phone too.

To those of you that got your license at Toys R Us, there's been a recall. Return that shit immediately and start taking the bus.

Rant over.