Bah humbug

This is going to be long. Apologies.

Normally I'm one of those annoying, way too excited, Christmas people. I usually hang lights from every surface of the house, have my shopping done before Thanksgiving and run around singing Christmas music 24/7.

This year I was totally not into it though. As much as I tried to be, I just could not get excited about the holidays. Now that Christmas has came and went, I still find myself very disappointed. I just can't shake the feeling so I need to put it out in the universe...

I truly, truly, did not want a single thing this year. It was The King's first Christmas and I just wanted to be together and to enjoy company and watch him "open presents". I don't feel like that was much to ask.

After opening way, way too many gifts that I didn't ask for or necessarily want, I found myself feeling upset at the thought of someone wasting money, just so I had "something to open". I actually felt guilty that someone spent their hard earned money because they thought they "had" to give me something. I kept calculating the expense of my gifts and thinking of ways in which my loved one could have used that money for something they needed or wanted.

And yes, I know it's about giving, not receiving and I should be thankful that anyone bought me anything but that's not what I'm trying to get at. I feel like the meaning of the holidays is totally lost on us all. Every single "holiday" has been commercialized. I get presents just to get presents. Half the time, you can tell it's a "shit, I haven't picked up anything yet, I'll just give her this" present. I would be happier if you made me a card, gave me a hug and told me you loved me. Honest to goodness. That would make me so much happier than the thoughtless gift you picked up last minute.

Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of the above too. I sometimes buy meaningless gifts for people because I feel like I have to buy them something, or I haven't bought them enough, or I just don't know what to give them. Why? I have no idea. Guilt? Have we been trained to think that the only way to show someone you care is to buy them lots of presents or to buy something more expensive than what they might buy you? I don't know. But I do know, I don't like it.

My next complaint about Christmas, and just life in general, is when the hell did it become socially acceptable to sit on your phone and ignore all of the people around you? Do we even know how to speak to each other anymore? There have been so many times that I've wanted to yell at someone and say, "I am a living, breathing, person sitting right, friggen, in front of you, that you never spend time with because we have busy lives or you live far away and instead of engaging in conversation, you have your damned eyes glued to your iPhone, doing God knows what and paying zero attention to me."

It makes me so, so angry.

There's no more conversation or playing outside or laughing or helping with the dinner or dishes. No. We stand in the middle of a room and talk to people through text message or social media and pay no mind to the people, who are clearly important, around us.

Ironically, in the midst of being so plugged in, I feel so unbelievably disconnected.

We are going to become the most pathetic, incapable, stupid, socially awkward and just plain ridiculous nation of people on this planet. Instead of building relationships with people, we consume ourselves with the internet, social media, phones and television.

I'm scared. I'm scared for The King, I'm scared for my relationships and I'm scared for everyone around me.

I'm disappointed with Christmas because it's suddenly not about family. It's about presents.

I'm disappointed because it feels like life is now about being "connected" and "online" and knowing everyone else's business, completely ignoring everyone in your family because you are too wrapped up in answering your text messages or uploading "cute" pictures to Facebook.

I'm disappointed because I didn't get quality time with anyone this year. I have pictures of The King opening presents with people in the background on their phones or watching t.v. or not even in the room because they're running around somewhere, trying to get away from someone else in the room.

I'm disappointed because it all feels ugly and sad.

I'm going to make a conscious effort not to do any of this anymore. Maybe if we all try a little harder, we can get back to focusing on what's important.

I'll add it to my resolutions for 2013. I hope you do too.