Heart Aches

This morning was rotten.

I have been rotten.

Kingy and I are going on two weeks straight of being sick and whiny and downright miserable.

I have zero patience lately. He is completely whiny but it's not his fault. He doesn't feel well.

I yelled this morning.

It was a decent morning, considering how bad they've been lately, but it ended in about 10 straight minutes of whining, just as we were trying to get out the door.

I yelled. Man, did I yell. And I scared him and made him cry.

And I'm ashamed.

I tried every trick I had this morning. I ignored him. I tried to give him what he wanted, which turned out to be not what he wanted. I ignored again. I asked him politely to stop. Then I raised my voice and then I yelled and walked away from him.

And I made him cry.

He forgot about it in about two seconds and our ride to school was just fine. He reminded me to grab my wallet and then I apologized. He said "I sowwy. Wa you mama".

Then I dropped him off at daycare and he cried for a second and asked me for a kiss.

Kids forgive so easily.

I got to work feeling like the tiniest human on the planet. A no-good, worthless, rotten mom.

I've been kicking myself about it all day.

Then I checked my instagram during lunch and saw this bright-eyed, fire engine red haired, vivacious 3.5 year old little boy, named Ryan, that tragically lost his life over the weekend. My feed quickly filled up with #redballoonsforRyan, prayers and pictures of this little guy with his mom and I thought "I bet she would give anything to have a whiny, temper tantrum, sick little boy".

And I cried at my desk.

I don't know why I felt compelled to share all of this with you. I guess I'm hoping maybe you'll squeeze your little ones a little tighter tonight, have more patience than me and say a prayer for that poor family.

I'll try harder tonight.

xxoo
ma