Road Rage

I use the term "road rage" loosely in this post.

I don't encourage road rage, the real kind, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with honking your horn and flipping someone the bird.

It may be the Masshole left in me from my years of living in Boston but I strongly believe people should know when they are driving like a twelve year old that just stole their mama's mini van.

We were on our way to "school" this morning when we approached a bus. For the obvious reason, coming up on a bus in the morning sucks because they stop like, 8,000 times and are wicked slow. It was fine though because we weren't late, even after the mud puddle debacle. We were minding our own business, jamming to Jake Owen's new song, gold something or other. He was snapping, I was singing.

The King and I usually rock out and have dance parties in the car. Unless of course he's miserable, then he whines and I offer him food and point out tractors to distract him and nearly cry until we get home.

The bus finally signaled to make a right hand turn, awesome. It's a bus, so it's taking some time. Fine by me. I slow down nearly to a complete stop, when out of nowhere a silver Honda SUV swerves around us and goes flying by, way too fast.

What is my reaction while I patiently wait behind said bus?

MIDDLE FINGER!

Duh.

Why in the hell couldn't you wait a minute?

ASSHOLE!

And then, it hits me.

That silver vehicle has passed me before. On this same road.

That silver vehicle belongs to a mom at The King's daycare.

And she isn't just any old mom. Oh no.

She's "Construction Worker" mom.

You know, the mom that wears jeans and a t-shirt and work boots to work every day.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against construction workers. But why the hell couldn't I have flipped off "soccer mom"????

Of all the people I could have flipped off, it's the toughest mom on the daycare playground. Construction worker mom can whoop my ass!

So naturally, what do I do?

Slow the EFF down and pretend like I was pointing at something else with my middle finger.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm no dumby.

The last thing I want to do is follow her into the building, carrying our kids and making casual conversation about how she drives way too fast and I let her know by rudely flipping her off. Then she bonks me on the head and tells me I oughta drive fast and take chances.

And she absolutely saw me do it too. It wasn't one of those weak middle finger flicks. It was a big ole, wave of the finger with emphasis and attitude; "FUCK YOU, YOU DANGEROUS PRICK!"

I still think she deserved it and I would have let her know if I had to but man, the last thing you want to do is flip someone off and then bump into them in the daycare parking lot. Especially when that person easily outweighs you and is terrifying.

I used to be a lot tougher before The King. Like, I probably wouldn't have slowed down and would have taken the opportunity to confront her and let her know she drives like a damn maniac and shouldn't when she has her kid in the car.

Not so much anymore. They must have taken my balls off when I delivered The King or something.

I don't know.

So I guess the lesson learned is don't flip people off on your way to daycare? Or if you plan to, make sure you have alternate routes and drop off times.