Middle Finger Monday

Hope everyone had a marvelous weekend!

I won't get into how insane my weekend was but will say that last night my back hurt so bad it felt like it was on fire.

It may something to do with my enormous child, transplanting tomatoes and eight loads of laundry.

I heard the below on the radio this morning and had to share. I'm sure this is one of those things that everyone already knows about but just humor me.

Also, I strongly dislike this version and prefer the bluegrass one instead. This will just have to do.



You're not as fat as you think.

Happy monday'ing!

Needed Reminder

it's easy (almost cowardly)

to be a grump. to complain

about everything and be negative.

it's harder (and much more admirable)

to wear a smile all the time,

to be happy and laughing constantly,

to find grace and tiny bits of joy

in any situation...

and it is those who laugh & smile

all the time that are most

worth being around. never stop smiling.

*frankie elliot (via Anthro IG)

Potty Mouth. Bad Mommy.

Well, we've officially hit the moment in childhood where your toddler regurgitates literally every single thing you say. Good and bad.

In our case, mostly bad.

Such as "Shit" or "Damn it"...I can't even tell you the others.

This is kind of a massive problem because I cuss like a sailor when I'm mad. And just in general. I swear, a lot.

Are you surprised that I'm not lady-like and proper?

Ha.

Yeah, so we have a problem. I think PB and I are going to come up with some code words. But at the moment, we're spelling curse words when we need them for emphasis.

That should last about 30 seconds.

Also, yesterday was a really, really trying day for this mama. It was not my shining day as a mommy. I failed, a lot.

Kingy was so so soooo bad though.

After a three hour car ride from girls weekend and coming home to a messy house, I just did not have the patience for the whining, and hitting, and cursing, and laughing in my face and messes on messes on messesssssssss. I could not understand what happened in 24 hours of me being gone. I lost my cool. I yelled, we had timeouts, and there were lots of sorry's from the both of us.

I just don't deal well with behavior like that. It's not acceptable in my book. No one wants to be around a kid who doesn't listen and acts out like that. Oh, and that kid usually turns into an asshole adult so we're talking a lifetime of no one wanting to be around you because you're a jerk.

So we barely get to the end of the day and as we're brushing our teeth, I notice a big bump in the back of his mouth. I feel around back there in between the crying and there I find two ginormous molars coming in.

Oh.

We wrap up and calm down, give kisses to everyone and head in to read our books. This is usually a battle because Kingy wants me to read every book on the shelf but he went ahead and fell asleep right in my lap after the first one; lights on, me reading in strange voices and all.

And that's when I realized that this day was totally out of character for him and really just a result of him getting zero snoozing and being in pain from the teeth. He's not really a demon.

Well, shit.

We didn't get a chance to talk about his day. Me to say I was sorry for losing my patience. Him for not listening and hitting mama, like 3,000 times. To say our "love you, to the moons" and one last smooch and a squeeze.

I put him down in bed, turned out the light and contemplated crawling into a hole for royally sucking at being a mom.

Ugh.

The good news, you ask? Kids forgive you. We both can do better and I think it's totally normal to not be on your A-game 24/7. We woke up new people this morning, with lots of sleep and zero troubles getting through our routine. Plenty of listening and helping mommy and good behavior. Not a single tear at drop off and I almost made it to work on time for the first Monday in forever.

Thank you sweet baby Jesus.

xxoo

ma

Thank you sweet baby Jesus it's Friday

I can't even begin to describe how happy I am that we are a few short hours away from the weekend and I have no plans to work a single second again until Monday.

Hell. Effing. Yeah.

Just have a wicked awesome weekend friends.

xxoo
ma

Music Lately

Music is pretty much the only thing getting me through the day lately.

Here's what's on play.

PS you can get a whole bunch of unreleased, brand spankin new johnny cash jams on amazon. Whoa.

Conversations with a King

Today started off with feet in my ribs (no, I'm not pregnant), whining, two chewed sneakers on separate pairs of shoes, a chewed coat and a bad attitude.

Fortunately, I have a little dude that keeps things in perspective.

And then I drop him off at daycare and I hate the world again.

Anywho!

Conversations with Kingy look a little like this lately. I love this kid.

K: "Bye Mommy!!!"
as he walks toward the mudroom to leave.
M: "Wait, where are you going? Aren't you supposed to give me a kiss goodbye?"
and he comes sprinting back to plant a wet one on me
K: "Tardet!"
M: "Oh yea, what are you going to buy at target?"
K: "PIE!!!"

Oh. ok.

K: "MAMA I SHOOT!!! I SHOOT BUCK"
M: "No way! You shot a buck?"
K: "Yeah! He big. Down"
translation - I shot him down...

K: "OOoooOooooOOO NUTSSSSS"

K: "Shit"

M: "Ry where are your shoes?"
K: "Ova naw"
translation - over there

Before bed chat
M: "Did you have a good day today buddy?"
K: "No"
M: "Why? Are you sad?"
K: "Yeah. Carter. Carter mean"
translation - we're still upset that Carter bit me a month ago...

On the ride to daycare today
M: "Ry where are all the cows? Why aren't they out yet? Too much snow?"
K: "Bawn" (barn)
M: "Why are they in the barn? Is it too cold?"
K: "Yeah!"
M: "Do you want a cow and a pig? Should we tell daddy?"
K: "Yeah!!! Come. Barn. Come moos. PIGGY!!"
M: laughter
Kingy now has his arms stretched out and is kissing the air
M: "Are you kissing the cows?"
K: "YEAH! Dance moos. DANCE!"

How can I be mad when I have conversations like that?

Happy hump day peeps

March Madness

Well, March has looked much like the rest of winter round these parts. 

How bout you?

Do you think it will ever be warm again?

Because, I don't.

Last weekend I planted close to 300 plants. Don't ask me why I need that many plants. I just do. And that's not counting all of the stuff I intend to plant after the last frost...

I have a lofty goal of supplying 25% of our food between the things I can grow and deer that PB can shoot. I  really think it could almost be possible. Almost.

And what is life without setting unachievable goals, anyway?

Also, the greenhouse is ah-mazing people. Almost every single seed has sprouted in less than one week. The only problem is that it will never be warm again and I'll never be able to plant them outside.

Sigh.

But planting seeds is much like getting married or being pregnant, isn't it? I know that sounds crazy but there is so much hope for the future in that tiny little seed! And you start daydreaming of one day picking all of those fruits and veggies and frolicking around the yard with your dogs and kids, with the warm sun on your neck. No layers and boots and mittens needed. Just harvesting the stuff you grew and teaching those little ones lots of important lessons that they won't fully appreciate until their like, 30. 

Double sigh.

In other news, we went up north for the weekend for lots of reasons but mostly because the walls in this house are starting to close in on me. The weekend was full of fun and some really good food and friends, which is always nice. I also met someone for the first time who said she knew me through the blog. How cool is that? 

If anyone is still out there, thanks for entertaining me.

I also got back on the baking wagon. When it's cold and I have nothing to do, I can't help myself. It's a problem.

All I'm going to say about the recipes I'm about to give you is that you absolutely, positively MUST make everything below before the snow melts and it gets warm again. This is comfort food to the max. There's not a chance in hell I'll make this in the summer. 

My belly was so happy.

My thighs, not so much.

Gordon Biersch inspired - Warm Apple Bread Pudding

This was really, really easy. No fancy ingredients. It takes a little bit of time so don't think you can whip it up quickly after dinner like cookies or something. 

Grown Up BACON Mac & Cheese

Umm. Yeah. There is absolutely nothing "good for you" about this recipe. Just that its delicious. To make it extra bad for you, I swapped Ritz crackers on top for the bread crumbs.

That happened.

Peanut Butter Cookies

Standard, I know but I was pretty much craving these all weekend so I had to make them. They are soft and delicious. What more do you need to know?

And the weekend round up in pics. 

Hope yours was mah-velous!

The saddest snowman there ever was and a sleeping boy that looked like was old. Boo that.

Obsessed is not even close to the right word.

And some silly faces. 

I don't even know.

Target practice. 24/7

Told ya.

Snoozin

Note to self

Bringing munchkins to daycare for The King to share is not, and never will be, a good idea.

Good Lord. 

Alright, my logic was spot on but execution, not so much.

Here I am thinking its Friday, the end of a very long week, everyone could use some Dunkin Donuts. Even the almost two year olds. I purposely did not pick out the jelly ones to eliminate a massive mess. I was thinking hard about this people!

I should have known when Kingy said that he did not want to share with his friends that this was not going to go well...

So we stroll into the building, with Kingy proudly displaying his box of munchkins. We get to the room and only one teacher is there, Kingy's favorite Miss Edy, and there are six other kids. Perfect! I brought 25 donut holes.

I set Kingy down to go hand Miss Edy his munchkins and that's when all hell breaks loose.

I'm guessing he thought by handing them to Miss Edy to pass out, he was losing them forever because he took two steps in her direction, wheeled around, yelled "NO!" and then promptly threw the entire box on the ground.

...

When he realized that half of them spilled onto the ground and that I was then going to throw them out, he took the definition of hell to another level.

I'm talking screaming "MUNKINS MUNKINS", big huge enormous tears, rolling on the floor, pulling my pant leg screaming for me to stop!!!!!!

The stuff mom nightmares are made of.

And not to mention, everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and just stared at us.

You wouldn't think stares from two year olds would make you feel shame and embarrassment but they sure did. Two teachers even popped there head in to see if things were ok.

Oh yes. We're ok. I'm just trying to wrangle in my almost two year old who thinks wasted munchkins and the lack of instant gratification are the end of the world as we all know it.

So out we go into the hallway to calm the eff down because what else was I going to do? No way are you getting a munchkin when you're acting like that homeboy.

I finally get him settled down and in we go to apologize to Miss Edy.

Not happening.

After a minute or so of protest I finally let him know I've had it but I pull out the ancient mom trick of scarily and calmly whispering in his ear...

"You are making mommy angry and if you don't apologize right now to Miss Edy you are not getting a single munchkin and you will be in big trouble tonight Ryan Christopher"

Pause.

"Sowwy Edy"

And all is right with the world.

I leave the building as fast as I can because I'm now late and semi, ok totally embarrassed. Get in the car and immediately text Miss Edy

"SO SORRY!!! I promise I will never ever bring munchkins again!"

And you bet your sweet ass I won't.

I get it. I understand why he acted that way. He's little and didn't understand he had to wait two minutes but he would still get some yummy donuts if he did. It was poor execution on my part but to be fair, I offered him a donut in the car that he turned down. I hope he at least sort of learned that throwing a massive fit is not how you get what you want.

And I learned to always, always buy your own coffee and donut so you can properly eat your feelings in the car.


Happy Friday friends

xxoo
ma

Life Lately

1. Make a Greek omelette for myself or anything really and Kingy eats the whole thing. No one mentioned motherhood involved giving up all meals and the last bite of everything all the time. Not cool.

Sacrifice last bite = love

2. Traveling for a meeting in NYC for less than 24 hours. Killed it and exhausting. 

3. Overtime. All the time. 

4. Trying to get back into cooking dinner for us. I had to lay off the sweets making. I was getting chubby. 

5. Wedding planning is practically done

6. Despicable Me or as Kingy affectionately calls it "minions" has been on replay for weeks at our house and I still have not seen the entire thing

7. Kingy is a boy. Its so sad and so awesome all at the same time. Motherhood. But he calls me mama. That makes my heart happy happy happy. Mom, not so much. 

8. Starting seeds in the greenhouse this weekend is about all I'm looking forward to right now. What the shit is with this weather?

9. Dogs. 

10. Music - Dierks new album was underwhelming but Chris Janson knocked it out of the park with his EP. 

I miss you people. 

I feel the same bud