Here chicken chicken chicken

Y'all.

The chickens escaped.

I don't know why but as soon as Papa Bear leaves the property, the animals get a wild hair and do crazy things.

Always before we get in the car to start our day. And always when I'm alone.

The King and I have a lovely morning routine. It involves a lot of getting ready for the day, food, music, dancing and ends with a visit to give the chickens a treat, saying hello/goodbye to them, the bunnies and dogs.

No, we didn't get another dog, we have a visitor. And yes, they stay outside.

Anyway.

We went about our routine this morning, lugging all of our bags to the car and then stopping at the coop to give the girls and Whitey Bulger (the rooster) their treat and say hello.

Normally, this goes off without a hitch. Wicked easy. Wave hello, throw in the food. Say goodbye and walk away.

Except today. Every single one of those shits decided to jump up on the fence post and hang out.

Nothing good can come of flying chickens sitting atop their cage.

Let me back up a bit and tell you about my relationship with the chickens.

I am the chicken lady. They LOVE me. As soon as they spot me or hear my voice they come running. I kind of love it too. I demonstrate my chicken calling ability to Papa Bear every night.

He thinks I'm nuts.

And no, it's not because I bring them food. It's because they love me. Chickens have feelings, ok?

We have two that I'm especially fond of, Ruthie; the hen that lays turquoise eggs and my new favorite I've recently named, Emmy-Lou. Emmy-Lou is special. First, she survived a Grace attack so that makes her awesome. Second, she is just plain ugly. She's white and has this weird tan color that makes her look all dirty and gross but she's not. She's like the ugly duckling. She also happens to be the smallest so that makes her likable too. She is always the first to run to me and she lets me pick her up whenever I please.

Which is not very often because, well, she's a chicken and they aren't cuddly.

SO back to the escape story.

The chickens are all hanging on the fence, thinking they're so cool and then they spot us with the food. They all jumped/flew down and came sprinting over to us. Happy chickens.

Well. Not all of them successfully hopped down and stayed IN the pen. No, no. Two brown girls that don't have names flew OUT of the fenced area and ran toward us.

Super. This should go well.

At least they weren't running away?

I have The King on my hip and a giant bowl of scraps in the other so I put them down and grabbed the first hen, who definitely wanted me to catch her. She never even put up a fight.

Success!

The second.

Not so freakin much.

That little shit took. off. She was running all over the place, trying to dive under the fence to get back in. Clucking at us, trying to eat the food in the bowl and the bugs in the mud at the same time. Girlfriend didn't know what she wanted.

Just picture it people. I'm in my work clothes, trying to calmly catch this mother freakin hen, stay clean and keep The King from spazzing out. Last time something like this happened, Peanut Butter the bunny escaped he had a crying fit, clinging to my leg and I couldn't catch her.

Well wouldn't you know, I look over at Kingy and he's just staring at me, standing in place, patiently watching me and Bandit play tag like a bunch of six year olds on the playground.

Except I was "It" and couldn't touch the damn thing. It also didn't help that the hen wasn't scared of him so she'd just run by him without any hesitation. Even better.

Until suddenly, he gets it. He starts chasing the hen too!

Now it's me and Kingy, chasing this damn hen back and forth like a bunch of fools. He is yelling with his arms out and I'm slowly trying to corner it to get a good grab or lifting up the fence to scoot it back under.

Meanwhile, Whitey Bulger, the rooster, is on the other side of the fence squawking up a storm because he's pissed off we're chasing his lady friend.

I make a few more lame "dives" at the bird and just barely miss.

Every. single. time.

Did you know chickens are fast?

I look up and she's heading for Kingy now. Straight at him. I think great, he can block her off so I can sneak up behind and grab her.

And what do you know, that little bugger of mine makes a dive at her too!!!!

I'm so proud.

But he misses. Followed by a big "UUUUGH" type grunt.

And I just lose it. This is too funny and ridiculous.

I can't stop giggling. He's still yelling. The hen is still loose, running all over the place. Bulger is pissed. And I still haven't figured out how to catch the damn thing.

I wish, oh how I wish we had a camera. Or someone was there to see all of this.

After a few more feeble attempts, she finally gives up and let's me gently place her back in with her peeps. She acted like nothing happened and went right about her business of eating breakfast. Cute.

The King and I high-fived and jumped in the jeep to head off to start our day.

I'm still giggling.

I'm also a little scared they're all going to escape again and demolish our garden. Here's hoping they stay put!

Happy Thursday friends. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!!