Frequent flyer

Well, I'm back on a plane.

This time I'm headed to DC for two days. Don't judge but I've never been before and while I obviously miss the family already, I'm looking forward to this work trip.

For one, I get to see lots of colleagues I speak to nearly every week but haven't seen in a year. You guessed it, this is our annual meeting. We're also getting a tour of all the historical stuff before dinner which should be really cool. I can remember absolutely zero from history class but there's something magical about standing next to it all that I really love.

But to the real point of this post. My morning commute.

Did you ever notice how people are really on edge when they're flying? I'm usually ok but this time I kind of want to karate chop someone in the throat.

First, there was actually a line at security so my plan to arrive 30 minutes before departure nearly backfired. I suppose that one is my fault but in the history of small airports, when has there ever been a full line? Besides, my flight was at 5:25 and there was no way I was getting up before 3:30 to be an hour early. So fine, I was the idiot semi jogging to the gate with three inch heels on.

To which you're probably wondering why I'd travel in such ridiculous shoes.

To which I'll respond.

One word.

Grace.

Lets all take a moment so you can laugh.

...

Ok. Onward.

So I boarded the plane on time and awkwardly made my way down, what I always swear is the narrowest aisle possible. Who draws these planes up anyway?

Here I am, nearly as tall as the cabin, lugging my carry-on stuffed with too much crap, balancing my computer bag on the other shoulder and tip-toeing to my seat all while trying to avoid the judging eyes from fellow passengers.

After what seems like an eternity I finally locate my assigned seat and much to my annoyance, find that Grandma dearest has decided get cozy in it.

Theres something about stealing someone's assigned seat that really chaps my ass. Maybe it goes back to elementary school when you get a seat on the bus, in the classroom or cafeteria and you absolutely have to sit there. No matter how bad you want to sit next to your boyfriend and hold hands under the table. No excuses.

And she didn't steal just any seat. Oh no, she snagged the window. Where I planned to rest my weary head and quietly snore my way to DC this morning.

Remember that post a while back about manners? Well I assumed all old people had them but I was wrong. This woman totally was taking advantage of holding an AARP card and knew that any decent human being would, of course, give an older person their seat if that meant they'd be more comfortable.

I knew what I had to do but I didn't like it one bit.

Our convo went a little like this.

Me - "Excuse me ma'am, I believe I have seat 15a."

Gma - before I could even finish my sentence "Yah, I know"

With a hint of tude and exasperation. From her, not me.

Me - "Ok. Well do you prefer the window? I really don't mind sitting here."

Gma - "Yes, I love the window seat"

And she turns away and hunkers down.

I wanted to say "Who doesn't love the damned window seat you crazy person? Now, you can get up!"

But I didn't. I smiled and sat down.

The broad didn't even say "Thank you".

Yes, I called her a broad. Because she lost the "sweet granny" title about an hour ago.

I know thats not the worst thing to ever happen to a person but you should have heard her toooone and seen the tude. If she didnt have a short grandma haircut she would have totally flipped her hair back behind her shoulder and gave me an eye roll.

Should I mention she's been snoring and farting the entire flight?

Or that she just woke up and gave me one of those granny taps on the leg, you know, the reassuring pat, and then went on to tell me how much she loves to look out the window!

Oh really? Well its a good thing I reserved it for you a month ago sweetpea.

And now she's telling me about her trip and grandbabies.

This is where I sign off and pretend I care because I have manners and am good at pretending I care about people who steal.

BAH!

Happy freakin Monday.