Being a mom is hard

If someone told me three years ago that I would be up from 2-4am catching real vomit, not spit up, in my hands, accidentally kissing a forehead covered in said vomit, smelling said vomit and being ok with it, showering and changing clothes three times and then find myself feeling sad, not angry at the end of it all, I likely would have laughed in your face.

Because all of that sounds disgusting and ridiculous, right?

Well it happened this morning, amidst a serious breakout of the hives from me (again) and it doesn't really bother me in the slightest. I am feeling tired and stressed but mostly so sad for The King. I want to smother him with mama kisses and hugs and cuddle him until he feels better. Luckily, Papa Bear is home with him now, so I know he's fine and being loved on but I feel like I should be there too. I feel guilty.

It's not fair that babies have it so rough when they're so helpless. I mean yes, someone else wipes their ass every day and feeds them but to be so sick and pukey and teething and miserable, is just not fair.

But I suppose life isn't ever "fair" so they should just start getting used to it right away?

I know at the end of the day, or in this case, maybe weekend he'll be just fine but it really makes me nervous for all of the "terrible" things that will happen to him in the future. Terrible, of course, is all the perception of the person who is experiencing it but still. There will undoubtedly be sickness, failure, heartache, defeat, stress and loss that I can't protect him from.

And at the end of the day, it's life. All I can do is dry his tears, rub his back and tell him "it's ok, mama's here". What I really want to do is keep him in my house forever and never let him out of my sight.

I'm dreading it. Really dreading it.

Being a mom is, without a doubt, the hardest job I've ever had. It really is that stupid cliche about your heart walking around outside your chest or whatever. It's so hard to explain and so powerful and so scary. But awesome all at the same time.

Ugh.

I know this post is totally melodramatic but it's just my mood today. I've been breaking out in hives for the last two weeks and have finally figured out it's due to stress. Not laundry soap, the dogs, food or the frigid effing temperature. Nope. Plain old stress. And it sucks. I feel like I've had so much on my mind lately that I've been spinning in circles.

So I guess maybe the purpose of this post is to find comfort knowing that other mama's feel this way too? I'm sure they must. It also sort of feels good to put it out there.

And yes, I know it could be worse but this feels bad enough for now. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a better day.