Dreams

For as long as I can remember I've had batshit crazy dreams. I can recall being like, six and my mom giggling at me over my stories of flying lions and rainbow slides. I used to have the same nightmare over the years too. That's the worst.

Well last night I dreamt that my milk came back in but I couldn't breastfeed The King because my flapjack boobies were not useable. Like they were just too floppy to work correctly and we couldn't figure out how to do it. Then The King started yelling at me because he was hungry so I had to pump. Which didn't work either because again, they were floppy and mushy and wouldn't work and I was just making a mess squirting breastmilk everywhere. So I was wicked upset and The King was mad at me and then I woke up.

And I thought, what the hell?

In real life, The King's been on formula for about six months so this makes absolutely no sense at all. And I mean, don't get me wrong, my boobs are ridiculously floppy but I'm sure they'll serve their purpose again.

These things are like rocks in socks or flapjacks. For real. I've totally got mom boobs.

Which I suppose is probably better than mom butt. You know those jeans that are high-waisted and make your ass look like it's like 3ft long, mostly flat but oddly round near the top where it shouldn't be but when you have mom butt no matter what you wear it always looks like this? At least I can fake having boobs with a good push-up.

I don't even know where I'm going with this one and that was a run-on sentence.

I'm guessing this dream was me sub-consciously kicking myself in the teeth for sucking at breastfeeding and not doing it until The King is 12?

I don't know. I'm totally over-sharing but I don't care because I'm hoping that someone else has weird dreams like this too. I'd really hate to be the only one.

Do you think this is how Dr. Seuss books came about? Someone just wrote down all of the nonsense they dreamt through the night and then, whammy, green eggs and ham?

Maybe I should write a children's book about breastmilk?

Ha!