Sparkly Green Earrings

Where's the coffee?

I stayed up too late reading a book last night. 

It's totally biting me in the ass this morning because The King has been a maniac with sleep lately and last night was one of his bad nights. He was up at 12, 3 and 5:30 for the day. Awesome. As soon as I get him figured out, he pulls a Grace on me and totally messes with my head. 

I think they're in cahoots. 

I'll save that for another post.

Back to the book.

So I've been following this blog, Big Mama, for a while now. I definitely recommend checking her out if you don't already. She's ridiculously funny, relatable and not trying to sell me tons of shit, which I appreciate. 

(Don't get so wrapped up in her blog that you don't read mine though. That would be uncool.)

Well Big Mama recently released a book called Sparkly Green Earrings and being that I love Big Mama's blog so much, I bought it the day it was released. You can buy it just about anywhere but I bought it through iBooks on my iPad because it was easy and I like instant gratification.

And let me tell you what, I'm not a single bit disappointed y'all.

(Someday y'all will work for me, I just know it.)

The book is based on her victories and defeats as a new mama, navigating all that is crazy in raising a child and how she keeps with her faith through it all. I should say that it's not a preachy book. You know those people who are way over the top with religion and throw it in your face every opportunity they get? She is not one of those women. I never feel as though she's pushing God or an agenda. She is subtle and makes you think about your own beliefs which I am totally ok with.

And as I mentioned, she is funny. Hilarious, really. I was totally the weird kid last night, cuddled up on the couch, loudly giggling over her stories. I think our babysitter may find me to be a bit insane.

I'm only about half way through the book at this point but it's so good that I had to share it and encourage you to pick up a copy. I'm pretty sure anyone with a vagina will enjoy it, mama or not. It's on the NY Times bestseller list which has to mean something. 

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

Now listening: Randy Houser

This feels like summer and is exactly what today calls for. I am soooo over winter.

Weekender

I'm only sharing one pic from the weekend because in comparison, all of the others are silly.

Much better

Remember last week when I told you I was not ok with Blake going all R&B weird with his latest single? Well, I take it back. I like the "sure be cool if you did" now.

I saw a video of Blake performing the song with Miranda at her concert on Taste of Country and its sooooo much better. I was really concerned he was turning into a sissy.

Now I can relax.

Now listening: Beatles

Need I say more?

Dreams

For as long as I can remember I've had batshit crazy dreams. I can recall being like, six and my mom giggling at me over my stories of flying lions and rainbow slides. I used to have the same nightmare over the years too. That's the worst.

Well last night I dreamt that my milk came back in but I couldn't breastfeed The King because my flapjack boobies were not useable. Like they were just too floppy to work correctly and we couldn't figure out how to do it. Then The King started yelling at me because he was hungry so I had to pump. Which didn't work either because again, they were floppy and mushy and wouldn't work and I was just making a mess squirting breastmilk everywhere. So I was wicked upset and The King was mad at me and then I woke up.

And I thought, what the hell?

In real life, The King's been on formula for about six months so this makes absolutely no sense at all. And I mean, don't get me wrong, my boobs are ridiculously floppy but I'm sure they'll serve their purpose again.

These things are like rocks in socks or flapjacks. For real. I've totally got mom boobs.

Which I suppose is probably better than mom butt. You know those jeans that are high-waisted and make your ass look like it's like 3ft long, mostly flat but oddly round near the top where it shouldn't be but when you have mom butt no matter what you wear it always looks like this? At least I can fake having boobs with a good push-up.

I don't even know where I'm going with this one and that was a run-on sentence.

I'm guessing this dream was me sub-consciously kicking myself in the teeth for sucking at breastfeeding and not doing it until The King is 12?

I don't know. I'm totally over-sharing but I don't care because I'm hoping that someone else has weird dreams like this too. I'd really hate to be the only one.

Do you think this is how Dr. Seuss books came about? Someone just wrote down all of the nonsense they dreamt through the night and then, whammy, green eggs and ham?

Maybe I should write a children's book about breastmilk?

Ha!

Shotgun Annie

How did Joe know I do this?

I'm totally a load up the shotgun and shoot at the wind, kind of gal. Also known as a pansy. Scared pants. Sissy. I'm totally afraid of the dark and 100% hate being alone at night. 

Now you know. Show up at my house uninvited, in the dark, and you'll likely be shot. 

And I'm aiming for your head. Not your knees.

Does anyone else find it annoying that he laughs at questions? He did this during the debate too. I get at the time he was trying to appear wise and laugh off debate silly shit but I find it to just be plain rude in this situation. Quit laughing at people, dick, and just answer the damn question.

Pumped up kicks

Toe tappin

There are curse words in this post

I'd be totally lying if I said my weekend was great.

It wasn't terrible but it was not fun by any means.

Remember that cute little puppy Papa Bear purchased back in November because The King needed his own duck dog?

Well.

That cute dog is the spawn of satan.

Grace has made it her life goal to torture me. I'm not even kidding. The dog f*cks with me every. single. day.

I reached my boiling point this weekend. Prepare yourself.

First, we kicked off the weekend with a little magic trick. She somehow escaped Papa Bear's truck while he was on a quick trip to the store for me. She literally disappeared into thin air.

If you guessed this was all my fault, you are absolutely correct! Obviously he went to the store for me and I wished her gone so the universe made it happen.

Cleeeeeeearly, I'm too blame. Not the psycho escape artist.

In happier news, or not so happy for me, she somehow managed to find our road, where Papa Bear found her sprinting home about 30 minutes later. When he reached the house with the panting, tail wagging bastard the only response I could muster was "See. I told you she's a son of a bitch" and walked away shaking my head.

This was a much bigger fiasco than I'm letting on.

She has also managed to shit and piss in the house multiple times. Which might be ok if I forgot to let her out but this princess has a dog door. She can let herself out anytime she damn well pleases. She's totally house broken. This ONLY happens when Papa Bear is out.

She's vindictive.

She has also eaten an entire mango, avocado (we still haven't found the pit), pear, pepper, eggshells and a container of scraps for compost. Oh yeah, in addition to countless lickings of cutting boards and a stick of butter.

Which again, would sort of be ok because dogs find stuff in the garbage and that happens blah, blah, blah. Not in my house. That S.O.B stole them off the COUNTER. I can never catch her either. The deed has always been done. The pear was the straw that broke the camels back. It was the last damn one and I wanted it baddddly.

Did I mention that she puked up a huge pile of food and feathers Saturday night?

I'm not done.

She steals my shoes the SECOND I take them off. I've had to throw away seven pairs of shoes. Seven.

This is where you're saying "Move your shoes Jen, just put them up." Wrong. That would be a great idea if she didn't have super dog jumping skills and stole them anyway. Or if I wasn't juggling a baby and diaper bag while being greeted by two crazy dogs and can barely kick off my shoes to begin with.

Besides, I'm the human, it's my house. I shouldn't have to change a damn thing for that dog.

Well I did. And she got them anyway.

And lastly but certainly not least, on Sunday I found a spoon, stuffed animal, three pairs of shoes, six socks, The King's toys and a knife in her kennel. A knife. What the shit are you going to do with a knife dog?

Good grief.

You can't make this stuff up people.

So we have a vindictive, thieving, magician of a beautiful silver lab that will happily retrieve ducks.

For the next 12 years.

If you haven't guessed it by now, I want her gone.

How was your weekend?

Now listening: Skynyrd

Not free bird.

Now listening: Blake Shelton

Sorry I was missing yesterday. I had a ridiculously long day that started at 5:30am and did not end with me lying on the couch in a coma until closer to 9pm.

Awesome.

Here's what I'm listening to now.

I'm trying really hard to like this song but the beginning is totally making it difficult.

Is Blake suddenly an R&B artist?

Did I miss something? 

I mean really guy, you were "gonna play it real like chill like only have a drink or two"?

Come on.

I've never heard a redneck use the word "chill" in my entire life.

Maybe I don't know the right kind of rednecks?

Doubtful.

Let's get off the Usher, Boyz II Men train Blake and get back to making songs like this.

Good grief. Must I tell them everything?

Chili Peppers

I forget how much I like these guys.

Gotta love Pandora.

Awesome

I seriously have the best colleagues/friends around.

I just got this sweet little package through interoffice mail.

A nice reminder of how lucky I am to have such awesome people in my life.

Grandma would be pissed

Has anyone else noticed the lack of manners lately?

I'm currently standing in line waiting for lunch and not a single person in front of me has said "please" or "thank you". Or ask someone "how are you" in response to the same question. They're all barking orders at the line cooks, like "yeah, I'll take croutons" or "I asked for wheat, not white!".

How about a little "may I please have croutons? thank you".

I noticed this in the grocery store and Target too. You know, because I frequent these places so often. No one says "excuse me" or apologizes for being in the way. And believe me, at some point, you are in the way.

It fires me up.

When did it become socially acceptable to be an asshole to other people? Are we seriously just going to push and shove our way through life and demand people give us things?

Pathetic.

You can bet your sweet ass The King will have manners.

Or I will hang him by his toes in the tree in our front yard.

The weekender

I kind of like giving these play by plays of our weekends. I always feel like I didn't do anything worthwhile when Monday night rolls around but then I write it all down and share pictures and I totally feel differently. Like my perfectly ordinary weekend suddenly becomes perfectly awesome and I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm going to pretend you enjoy it too and continue sharing.

One of my closest friends was scheduled to fly in on Friday from San Fran and as I'm sure you guessed, her flight was cancelled. Rather than travel 24 hours to spend 24 hours with us, we completely rescheduled. I was totally bummed. We're set for March though so I suppose it's not the end of the world.

I didn't have any backup plans so we improvised. A lot.

Nine month check-up. Wrecking the place.

I've been dying to take a snowy picture in this spot. 

 I love this one so, so much.

 Being silly. Cuz that's how we roll! Nice hair, eh? He got that from Papa Bear.

Super snuggly all weekend. I loved it.

I also reached new levels of boredom. 

I made Valentine burlap banners. 

Yep. That happened.

I'm totally trying to overcompensate for disliking this month with decorations, cookies and crap.

Some of my best memories as a kid involve the holidays though so I'm making an effort with this one.

My dad always went over the top. 

I hope to be half as awesome as he was when it comes to this stuff.

More cabin fever activities.

We also made a trip up North to see my parents. I decorated more of my house with repurposed stuff I had laying around. I'm pumped about it. I didn't spend a penny. I moved furniture around in a few rooms. Grace ate food off the counter and stole more shoes. I love her so much. We went to Tarjhay and I bought more Valentine goodies. And The King and I giggled and snuggled and played all weekend.

It was perfect.

Your daily dose of happy

This one was from the other day and it really stuck with me so I wanted to share. 

"Because of "emotional contagion" we unconsciously catch emotions from other people - whether good moods or bad moods. Aim to infect others with good cheer."

Pretty true, right?

Now listening: Randy Rogers Band

I didn't like this song the first 20 times I heard it. The use of the word "fuzzy" just seemed off to me.

As soon as I hear fuzzy I think of babies and "fuzzy wuzzy was a bear".

I don't know.

It just seems like it's meant to be a "cool" song and they totally effed it up with the fuzzy stuff.

But I heard it this morning and I think I like it now. It's catchy and sorta reminds me of the hangover which is a great movie. I just ignore the fuzzy part.

Again, ignore the stupid video. Just listen.

Eddie Vedder

Did you watch the movie Into the Wild?

I can't remember if I watched the movie or read the book.

Clearly it left a lasting an impression...

I love, love the soundtrack though.

Maybe I just love Eddie Vedder?

Who cares.

These are my faves

Buy the soundtrack people. It's that good.

Happy

Here's your happy post for the day.

This one is old but one of my faves this year.

"Happiness, not in another place but this place, not for another hour but this hour" - Walt Whitman

Now listening: The Lumineers

I think I'll play this station all day.

Vintage Pearl

My good friend shared this site with me about a year ago now and they have some really great stuff. If you're looking for personalized jewelry or charms that have some meaning, this is your place.

The Vintage Pearl

I have yet to order myself something because I'm indecisive and everything looks so cute. These are some of my favorites.

Papa Bear, if you're reading this I have two words for you; Valentine's. Day.

Vintage Color Charm

Vintage Lovebirds

Simple Sweetheart

I could keep going but I think three is probably enough

Now listening: Luke Bryan

These youtube videos are so cheesy sometimes. I suggest listening, not watching.

Happiness

My happiness journal project comes with these lovely little happiness quotes each day that are sometimes inspiring and other times confuse the shit out of me.

I liked this one.

"One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. Be selfless, if only for selfish reasons"

Of all the things I need to teach The King, this is near the very top of the list.

Maybe I should share these with you every day?

Zulily

Check out this awesome site, Zulily!

You have to sign up to view the products but membership is free. Don't even pretend like you can't possibly stand to get one more email either. It's just one and it's for a good cause, shopping.

Trust me on this one and just do it.

Once you become a member, they send you a daily email with deals on all kinds of cool and unique baby or mama stuff. I haven't bought anything for The King yet because cute boy gear is kind of difficult to find but they always have wicked cute girl stuff.

One of the deals today is for pink or purple Realtree camo rain boots, only $15!!!!

If only they had my siiiiiiiiiiize!

Well good morning

I guess because it's technically my "Monday", things had to start off in the roughest way possible. To give you a quick synopsis...The King puked in my hair at 6am. I spilled coffee all over the jeep and I forgot my wallet at home which means I can't pay for parking or more coffee.

Sigh.

I still have all of my fingers and toes though so I'm over it.

I heard this song on the way in and it's now stuck in my head. 

Faves

I didn't really care who won the Super Bowl, except I really wanted the Ravens to lose because Ray Lewis is so annoying.

What is with all of these football players preaching about religion and God non-stop? Is this because of Tim Tebow?

So anyway, I watched the game for Beyonce and the commercials, clearly, and wanted to share my favorites.

Hilarious.

American.

Weekendings

We had a perfectly ordinary weekend. Went to breakfast with friends. Cleaned the house. Had Uncle Drew and Sarah over. Ate way, way too much food, including more cookies. Shit. I watched the Super Bowl, Papa Bear fell asleep. The King cut his second tooth AND he took three steps to mama out of the blue. I just about died. He is growing so fast. I'm so proud and sad, all at the same time. 

We had a super fun breakfast with this lovely lady and her daughter, Burkie.
Yes, he's riding a pony. We were in cracker barrel. He loved it.

Handsome and silly.

Cabin fever.

I made this little chalkboard sign in about 10 minutes. I think I'll write Eggs or something on it.
It belongs above my cabinets.

Drummer boy.

Perks of being the laundry lady. I also have huge hands.

Trying to shake said cabin fever. It was coooold and apparently wicked sunny.
We needed a break.

Caught them grabbing icicles and stealin kisses. Made my heart full.

Hope y'all had a great weekend!

Did you see that?

I used the word y'all.

Still feels funny.

Lady A

I like. A lot.

Mama's Broken Heart

Can't wait to see this broad and Dierks in a couple months. Probably gonna be a whiskey drinking, cigarette smoking good time, you know, minus cigarettes and whiskey because I'm retired and cigarettes are nasty.

Lazy days

It's only 3 o'clock and I'm spent.  I think the rest of the day will be lazy.

Pretty sure boys are born with a love for reclining

This is my least favorite activity

Cozy. Someday I'll cover that ugly brick in stone.

Lou actually hates Grace but she doesn't care. Grace always snuggles up to her. 

I guess that what siblings are for

TGIF right?